Skeletons and The Dark Side

This is going to be a very sad attempt at writing something interesting. Just a warning.

I realized the other day that people are not ALWAYS a result of their surroundings. As a child you search out for reasons that people are the way that they are. I suppose it's because you have some false hope that, despite biblical teaching and what most adults MIGHT tell you early on- Man does not have a sinful nature.

I've always been quite the cynic- Most of my life actually. I've always claimed to know and understand that the internal battle of all mankind is to fight this sinful nature, and thus blamed any persons ingrained stupidity and jerkiness on this natural desire to do wrong and be- mean. Someone steals something- Oh well- Jerk being a jerk, I suppose. Someone lies- Liar lying- That's what we all have to fight. They'll learn. It wasn't until recently that this actually hit home. That I finally stopped viewing mankind cynically, and started to view them as people- With or without God, who have a duty to mankind or God (should they choose to follow Him) to fight this "dark side".

I'm reading a phenomenal book these days. "Blue Like Jazz". The book targets this thought process and the fall of man, etc. It's interesting the way God touches your life. I was driving in the car with my sweet tempered husband the other day, thinking about a person I've known for my entire life that grew up in dark circumstances, but moved from them as a young adult. I always gave credit to them for being "less" dark than the place that they spent the majority of their life. This is the thing though- They left those circumstances. They were brought into a world that didn't HAVE to fear, that didn't HAVE to be angry or feel hurt, and chose to be and feel those things anyway. By choosing evil over good, they inflicted it on ones they claimed to love, and so goes the vicious cycle. A persons circumstances create who they become in life, no more than one rainy day among a dozen of sunshine create a horrible climate to live in.

I've always been told that life is all about how I perceive my circumstances. If I see God in everything, I can't possibly become the darkness that I grew up in. There have been times when despite KNOWING that God is in everything, that I have chosen not to see Him, thus telling myself the He wasn't there. He was. He is. He has to be for us to move forward in our battle against darkness. I believe that anyway. (And you should too.)

I have to admit, it took a great amount of pressure off of me, to live in a "darker" climate. I was no more than a product of- "Them", and their "them" too. And then after leaving "them" there were always more "them's" that I placed conveniently in my life to explain my own dark feelings and disposition. I know now, that it all comes back to me- Me and how I choose to live this life that He has given me. I can wallow in my past or I can move forward to light. I can hide in my closet with my skeletons, or I can open the doors empty it out, clean out the cobwebs and lay it all down, and grow from the hurt. It's no more difficult a decision to sit there in repetition of the people before me, than it is to choose a better life for myself and my family. God's grace and mercy are there for our hard times too. They are there for growing and healing. He wants that for me. For all of us.

I choose grace and love despite my dark closet. My prayer is that you can learn to too.